Jo's Cafe

Yes, I made my usual trip to Wal-Mart.

No, I haven’t ranted about my trips to Wal-Mart in a long time, since here, so I’m due.

I’m headed out the door with my purchases when my eyes start to water and bug out.  Standing at a register paying for his items is the persona of an Alabama Redneck.

Ripped at the shoulder t-shirt, with the Miller log on the back, washed so many times you can see right through it.   Hair standing on end, ie: bed hair.  Jeans with so many holes in them I’m surprised the seams haven’t just let go and died.  But the worse — when he turned around and smiled, the green teeth did me in.

Okay Dude — I realize you are in Wal-Mart, in Alabama … but do you have to perpetuate the “Redneck” persona attached to both above?

Put on a clean, reasonably aged t-shirt, ie: at least a year old not longer.

Throw away the jeans or only wear them for yard work.

Go back into the store, make a left from the register you’re at and head directly to the toothbrush isle.  Do not pass go, do not collect the chew on the way — DO NOT STOP!  Buy for the first time in your life a toothbrush and paste.  Get some of those whitening strips while you’re at it.  Go home and BRUSH!  Oh, wait — get some mouthwash too … lord knows what has crawled up in there and died.

I made it home in one piece — but those green teeth will haunt my dreams tonight.