Ladies, Its All in the Feet

Thursday, 30 April 2009, 7:05

As I touched up the white of my french-manicure on my tootsies this morning, I was reminded that it’s time for the pledge.  You girls know what I mean.  Warmer weather means the feet are set free from the confines of the close-toed shoes.  The Berkies come out, the strappy sandals and flip-flops.  Yes, there are places that have yet gotten to where the feet can be free from confinement, you get a pass.  But for those of us in the southern region of the United States who have started dragging out the summer clothing, including the shoes, here is a question:

Have you scheduled your spring pedi yet?  No?  tsk tsk 

Ladies … remember the The Open Toed Shoe Pledge

As a member of the Cute Girl Sisterhood, I pledge to follow the Rules when wearing sandals and other open-toe shoes:

I promise to always wear sandals that fit. My toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. And the sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps.

I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free …image001

I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe.

I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow.

I will shave the hairs off my big toe.

I won’t wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend, coworker, mother, sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it there.

If a strap breaks, I won’t duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back into place hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoe fixed or toss it.

I will not live in corn denial; rather I will lean on my good friend Dr. Scholl’s if my feet need him.

I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes at Payless for the low, low price of $4.99 even if my feet are small enough to fit into the kids’ sizes. This is out of concern for my safety, and the safety of others. No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat and I would hate to take someone down with me as I fall and break my ankle.

I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell and begin to look like Vienna sausages.

I will be brutally honest with my girlfriend/sister/coworker when she asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals. Someone has to tell her that her toes are as long as my fingers and no sandal makes creepy feet look good.

So dial up your favorite manicurists and get that appointment scheduled. Your feet are the support of your whole structure and should always be looked after properly. There is nothing more sickening than seeing a nicely dressed women with feet like the above.

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One Comment for “Ladies, Its All in the Feet”

  1. 1Angel

    ha..love it..and speakin of the flu JO…oh yea Hussein O told us to cover our mouths when we sneeze dude..wonder if the teleprompter gave him that profound line!!..blech!!! (hugs!)