Thought Police
I am so tired of being told that it’s wrong to have an opinion that bothers others – that I’m somehow unfair or not “embracing diversity” because I have a brain and an opinion.
Today I watched as someone went to an internet group of women she thought would understand and commented on something she’d seen that bothered her. Said woman was subsequently blasted by another because it was “unfair of you to judge”.
Since when are we required to accept everything everyone else chooses to do? Why am I suddenly required to censor my feelings, thoughts and opinions?
I’m an ardant supporter of breastfeeding. I happen to think every mom should breastfeed her babies and I think 95% of the excuses out there are bogus (although not always the fault of the mother). I’ve seen a wealth of real-life evidence to support my opinion, so I’m not just spouting nonsense here. However, not every mom does what I think she should do. Can I judge every single one of them by the same brushstroke? Nope, and I don’t. That said, my first thoughts when I see a can of formula or a baby getting a bottle are going to be negative. It’s part of who I am and who I’ve become as I’ve researched breastfeeding.
Am I prejudiced, unfair, mean-spirited, etc? If you said yes, you have painted me with the same brushstroke. Have you stopped to consider how I HANDLE those thoughts and feelings when I have them? No, you just assumed that I handle it in a negative way — or you feel that my internal thoughts are subject to your judgements. That is unfair.
No, I do not act on my feelings in every situation. I don’t walk up to mothers in restaurants and berate them…how can I? I don’t know the situation, and why should she listen to some perfect stranger? I might look at some situations and see an opportunity for education and help — and if I think it’s worth a shot (let’s say, for a good friend or a relative) I’ll probably try. I also think that setting an example is very important.
Does the fact that I manage my feelings, choose how to act, and try to be a fair person whenever possible still make me prejudiced, mean-spirited and unfair? If so, why? Could it be that maybe it’s your only defense against an opinion you don’t agree with? If I were on YOUR side, would you consider me unfair??
I say again – you cannot always control your feelings. Your character is measured by how you deal with your feelings. To those of you who try to control my thoughts — get a grip on your own first and then you can step into my head.
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1Molly
wrote on 17 April 2006 at 17:25
But not eveything is as it appears sometimes. A women feeding a baby a bottle is not necessarily givining the baby formula. I was unable to breast feed either of my kids tried with both but there were some major distractions namely my mother and I just couldn’t get it right I was frustrated the babies were frustrated so I got a breast pump and pumped my breast milk for them. They got the beast milk they needed , I was less frustrated and Dad got to help with the feeding. Any way I just thought you should know that not all babies are getting breast milk from the breast which is whats best for baby after all. I enjoy your blog alot and I look forward to reading your stuff.
2Trelaina
wrote on 17 April 2006 at 18:25
I’m sorry, but you missed the point. I was using breastfeeding as an example.
I’m well aware of the things you mention (although there were ways to help you, and I’m sorry you didn’t get the help you needed). However, I as a passionate supporter of breastfeeding am going to see you and probably have a negative reaction. That’s OKAY. What’s not okay is for me to handle that reaction badly, or for someone to tell me it’s WRONG to have those feelings.
My point was that many have now signed on to the idea that simply because you FEEL something or THINK something different than what they feel or think, you’re prejudiced, unfair or mean….and are now attacking others for it. I happen to believe that’s a bad direction for society to go.
3Jo
wrote on 18 April 2006 at 7:27
I have the same reactions now that I’ve been a diabetic … I see people eating tons of stuff I know are not good for them, while at the same time listening to them complain about their weight and tell of warnings by their doctor’s they need to stop it or else. I want to choke the shit out of them and tell them to wake up! But I’ve stopped. It leaves a bad taste in everyone’s mouth. Tre’s point is that this society has gotten to where even if you “think” something, not matter how you may or may not react to that thinking, or feeling, is now more important than any actions you may take.
4Molly
wrote on 24 April 2006 at 16:38
I tried to respond over the weekend but messed it up. You are so right I so missed your point. I reread what you wrote and I actually agree with you. Thoughts are one thing actions are another. You might think that since my children are 5 & 10 I would be over that whole breast feeding thing I guess I have issues.:-)
Molly